Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Always forgive your enemies – Nothing annoys them so much. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school – you’ll be working for them in the future. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. Most of us are open-minded about new things – as long as they’re just like the old ones. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. It’s easier to tell the truth – you don’t have to remember anything. People learn from their mistakes how to make new mistakes. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film. He who learns most, talks least. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? The problem with experience is that you don’t it get until just after you need it. How can there be self-help “groups”? Argue with a fool and people may not know the difference. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. Funny Words of Wisdom by Famous People A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. (W.C. Fields) No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in […]
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